more Steven Wright quotes

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?'